May 14th

Well, I guess there is a lot of stuff to update on. First off I will be a father again on June 9th, my wife and I are having a scheduled c-section. It will be interesting with two boys under the age of 3. This is not the way I planned my life at all, but I guess you have to roll with the punches. I am very excited to have another little boy. But this is it, two and done. I love my son, and I am sure my new boy will be great, but I want to be done after two. I think in August (if time permits) I am going to get snipped. My wife on the other hand is not so sure, I think she is holding out hope to have another child. She wants a little girl. Maybe I will look into freezing sperm, but it will depend on the cost. Like I said before, I love kids, but I would like to have some fun. I have found out kids are great, but there is only so many things you can do with them.

I tried to quit chewing, and it lasted for a few days. But, I am stressed out on a regular basis, and chewing tobacco is my out let. It takes my mind off of some of the things that bother. I am going to keep trying. Maybe when the new baby gets here I will try to quit again.

In one of the previous blog posts I talked about a trial my mother was going through. As far as I am told, everything went well, but they won't hear the final answer until September or October. So I am going to be somewhat on edge until then. I don't think my parents are telling me the whole truth. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Right now, I am going through a personal dilemma. I was offered and took a new job with NW. I am not really happy about the position, but I need to put food on the table and with my current position I am afraid I am going to get fired any day. I have been "on the bench" for almost two months now, and it doesn't look like they are going to find anything for me. I am trying to learn as much as I can about software testing, but my mind drifts. I feel like such a waste of space everyday. I come into work, and most of the day I play on the Internet, or play games on my laptop. At the end of everyday I tell myself tomorrow is going to be different. Then I come in, in the morning and waste another day. It is no one's fault but my own. What can I do to motivate myself? I Tell myself to get my sh!t right, but it just doesn't work. Maybe it is the fact that I think I am going to get fired at any minute and I don't want to invest any more time into this position. At the same time, I don't want to get fired. I love my job. I guess I have a few "wishes" right now.

1. "They" find a contract for me.
2. I find something else, a better, higher paying job.
3. The NW job is something that turns into something better real quick (I don't think this is going to happen).
4. I win the lottery, and I don't have to work (I know this won't happen, I don't even play the lottery).

I know everything is going to be ok, I just wish it would speed up and be ok now. I have to stay positive, other wise I will be a wreck.