Friday....

Today is Friday January 22 2016. I am sitting at my desk at work, reflecting on my life as a whole. What am I doing with my life, who am I, will I be missed when I am gone, was I a good person, what does it all mean.

There are many thing I need to change in my life, and I am going to list them here.

1. Stop rubbing one out at work.

2. Quit chewing tobacco.

3. Save money/put money away for a rainy day.

4. Work harder at my job.

5. Be a better father, spend more time with my children. 

6. Buy a new house. 

7. Loss weight

8. Be more healthy over all. 

Now that we have the list, how about we talk about each one individually. 

Topic 1

Well, nothing has got better since the last time I posted. I pretty much rub one out everyday I am in the office. I don't know what my problem is, am I sexual deviant? Do I just get bored? Am I not having enough sex at home? What is the issue? How do I correct it? I was able to restrain myself a little today. I only did it once.

Topic 2

Last week, my boss pulled me into his office and told me I needed to stop chewing at work. This last for about 2 hours. I came in on Monday and I did not have a dip for most of the day. This was somewhat of a win in my book. Tuesday was about the same, I think I only had one the whole day. Then came Wednesday, one of my coworkers called in sick yet again. This was, I believe the 10th time since he started a year ago. I am down a little bit from what I had been doing in the past, but like I said above, it is Friday. This means I will be ripping movies tonight, and I will be bored while I do it. I will need something to do while I am ripping movies, and it will probably be throwing a dip in.

Topic 3

As of right now, there is $8000 in the savings account my wife and I share. All of that money came from a severance payment my wife received when she was released from her job at the end November. We received the payment a little over a month ago, and I have tried my best not to touch it. At the same time, we want to put a down payment on a new house, we are going to Alabama in about 2 months, and I want to take my wife on a vacation to the Dominican Republic for our 10 year wedding anniversary.

subtopic 3a. 

Who knew my wife and I would make it to 10 years (we are not there yet, but it is looking pretty good). I am sure there is more than one person who did not think we would make it this far. There are days I am not sure we will make it to 10 years. 

Back to Topic 3

Sorry, I got off topic there for a moment. Saving money is something I really need to do, but I am not sure how to do it. Should I take certain amount money out of each paycheck? My wife and I spend pretty much every dollar that we make. I was taken aback the other day when I realized how much money we spend on our credit cards. We spent over $30,000 in 2015 on our credit cards. Now this is on all the cards total, and there are a lot of them. 

Topic 4

Topic 5

Topic 6

Topic 7

Topic 8

And one that is not listed above. I need to blog more. I am going to make the effort this year to blog at the very least once a week. I enjoy going back through my previous blog post, and see what I talked about in the past. Not much has really changed, and I still do many of the things I have said in here I need to change. But I think going back and reading this blog on occasion makes me realize how much of a problem I have and how badly I need to change thing.

What the fuck are you doing with your life - get it all out.

This post is not going to have any order to it, it is just going to be all my thoughts thrown at the wall at once.

Today is Tuesday April 7th, it is approximately 11:50pm. I am sitting in my bed with my wife sleeping right next to me, and I have no idea what I am doing with my life.

I truly believe I am a complete waste of life and payroll at my job. I really do not know what I want to do with my life. I love my job, but everyday, I go into the bathroom and rub one out. This happens everyday. Do I need to talk to someone about this. Today alone, I jacked off 3 times at my office. This is a serious problem that I need to get under control.

I feel like such a piece of shit after I am done. I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to kill myself, I don't think. I just don't know what I am doing any more. What should I do??

I took Carter to flag football practice today, and it was just weird, what was I doing? Why was I even there? There was no point for me to be there.

Drinking doesn't help.

Jacking off doesn't help.

My neck always hurts, I am fat, I spend so much money. I hate my house. I love my kids, but they are little shits some times.

Kuper is a little shit, but he is so cute and he means well I think. He beats the kids around him, he is definitely behind everyone else in his class. I don't think he is dumb. Dumb is not the correct word for it. Kuper is lazy like me, or he just doesn't care, like me.

March 6th, it is clean!

Today is or tonight is March 6th 2015. This is the end of the week that Laura and I took off to clean our house. I think it has been the most productive week the two of us have had since we got married. We got the whole house clean, we got completely caught up on all of our laundry, and we got all the “junk” out of our house. The house looks so much better now, I can’t believe how much we got done and how much more comfortable I am in the house. It almost feels like we have doubled in size. I sleep a little better now that all of this is done. There are no huge piles of laundry sitting everywhere. There is no dog crap laying around, and the house doesn’t smell like dog piss anymore. Our house is just clean, and it feels so damn good. I love it. I am so proud of myself and especially Laura. Laura really stepped up this whole week and got stuff done. She cleaned up a ton of stuff, she got a ton and I do mean a ton of laundry done. We got so much stuff done that had been building up over the last 3 or 4 years. I feel so much more comfortable walking in the door. Yes, it did cost me a little bit to get all this done, but I believe it was worth almost every penny. I think we may have spent a little more than I had originally planned, but again it was worth it. The house feel much more like a home now. One other big thing that gone done this week, was we got the dog fixed. This was a long time in the making, and needed to really get done sooner than it actually did. But it is done now. 

This summer, we are going to drive to Florida to spend a week in Orlando with my family. I am very much looking forward to this time away. Yes, Laura and I did take this past week off, and yes, we did not “do anything” today. But the rest of the week, we were very busy working on the house. It will be nice to actually have some real time off and get some time to relax. Though I do not know how much actual time we will have to relax since we are driving down there and we are taking our children with us. What I am really looking forward to, is seeing my old friend Mitch. I have not seen him in almost 3 years. It will be amazing to see him, even if it is only for a few hours. We are planning to meet him and his family in Memphis for a day on our way home from Orlando. 

Now on to my father. What can I say, he is still the same old Jay Schwartz. It must really suck to be him, I don’t want to spend any time talking about him. Just know, it is March 6th, I have not spoke to him in 3 weeks and I am good with that. 

SOA and other shit

Tonight I want to talk about a couple of different things. Much like the other nights I have written in here, I have a few different things to talk about.

The first thing on my mind is the SOA series finale. The episode aired this evening, and I think it was a fitting end to the story. Jax tied a bunch of loose ends up and then ran his bike into an on coming semi truck. For me, I think this was a fitting end to the story. Jax had done a lot of "bad" stuff, and needed to "die". I really enjoyed the ride the show took me on over the last couple of years. I really didn't get into the show until late, I believe it was about 2 years ago I started watching.

The other thing I wanted to talk about was, just my life in general. What the hell am I doing with my life?

Early Post....

I decided I didn't want to wait until later today to post something. I just got back to my desk from doing it for the 2nd time today. I also have a dip of chewing tobacco in right now. I think I need to do something else, what I am currently doing is not work. Maybe I need to talk to someone. I know I can't talk to Laura about it, she wouldn't understand. I think it might come from fear that I am going to do something wrong at work, or maybe I am just lazy and can't sit still. I was hoping with the medication switch my doctor prescribed me it would help, but I have given the new script two days and it doesn't seem to help at all. Today I even added 2 of my "other" pills to the mix, maybe the combination of the two will help. Who knows for sure. I really think what I need to do is go talk to someone. I have never talked to someone in the past about my issue, I have just kept it on the inside. I don't think anyone know about my issue, maybe some of my co-workers have an idea what is going on but none of them KNOW what I am doing each day.

I just can't still for very long right now, I have to get up and walk about. Damn you ADD!

On a side note, I am supposed to get the two below lego sets, but they probably will not come today. I will have to take pictures once I get the sets. I also told my wife to have my mother-in-law order this new lego book for me. The book looks really interesting and I think it will help me with my end goal of building my own lego city like in the "Lego Movie".

I got nothing.....

I really do not have a lot to talk about tonight. Today was a pretty dull and boring day. Work was pretty dull and boring. I got into work around 8am and left around left around 5pm. Like I said, I really got nothing to write tonight. I am even struggling to write this much. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Actually, there is something I can talk a little about. In previous post I had spoke about my masturbation habits and my chewing tobacco addiction. Well, much like the last couple of days, I have revered back to my bad habits. I rubbed one out 3 different times today and i stopped at QT on my way into the office to grab a new can of chew.

Also, when i spoke with my doctor last week, he switched my ADD medication and he upped my cholesterol medication. Beyond that, I lead an extremely boring life. I guess we will see what tomorrow brings. Fingers crossed it will be something more exciting that today. Here's hoping!

What the FUCK!!!!

Yesterday morning I took my children with me to go get my hair cut. They were both pretty good when we were at the barbershop. They had some trouble sitting still, but other than that they did pretty well.
After the barbershop, the boys and I came home to meet Laura. I need to back up a little bit. Every once in a while, Laura will wake me up on a Saturday or Sunday morning when she is feeling horny and will want to have sex first thing in the morning. I am not one to decline sex, so about 99.9% of the time I am happy to oblige her. This past was not exception. We went at it for a little while, then Laura told me she wanted to go get her nails done. This was perfectly fine with me as I stated earlier, I need to get my hair cut. Normally I cut my own hair, but every once in a while, I want to get it professionally done.
Now back to my story, I get home from my hair cut and Laura is still horny. So I go up stairs, and she have sex again. Happy morning for me, normally I don't get laid 2 times in one day. I thought it was going to be the start of a great day. Thought being the operative word here. When I came down stairs after my "session", I had the feeling something was off, it also smelled distinctly like pee. Well, I took at one of my red 32oz mugs, and there was a little liquid in the bottom of it. I asked the boys what happened, and Carter informed me that Kuper had an "accident" and used my cup as a urinal. At this point, I was pissed but it struck me as kind of odd for a couple of reasons. One, why would Kuper pee in my cup, there was an open bathroom 15 feet away? Two, this is off character even for Kuper, he has never done this in the past and when he gets in trouble he normally fesses up to it fairly quickly. Well he blamed his brother and his brother blamed him. Since neither one of them who tell me who did it, I punished both of them. We left the house with me still pretty angry. We went out for lunch at BWW, and all through lunch they still both blamed each other. After lunch, Laura wanted to take a look at the new Nordstrom's rack that opened near us. As I am not one to be a big shopper, I dropped her off and said I was going to go get gas and return a couple of movies we had rented the night before. Carter decided he wanted to go with his mother, and Kuper would go for a ride with me. I took this as my opportunity to grill Kuper a little on what happened. Like a good little boy and after a little bit of bribery on my part, Kuper told me that Carter was the one who peed in my cup. I tend to believe Kuper, like I stated above, Kuper usually does not lie to be, if you ask him what happened, he tends to tell me (even if he did it) what happened. I usually believe Kuper since he does not lie. Lying is usually what Carter does to save his ass. So after Kuper and I got gas about 20 minutes had passed, I called Laura to make sure she was ok and that everything was going as planned. In the back of my mind, I wanted to pick Carter up and grill him a little more without his mother being present. Well, Carter was being his normal self and only wanted to look at the toys. So I was going to pick him up and let Laura continue to go shopping. Laura has other plans, she was done shopping and just wanted me to pick both of them up. I did as I was told and went over to Nordstrom's to pick both of them up. When I did, I told Laura what Kuper told me and wanted to get her opinion on the matter. Laura agreed with me that Kuper doesn't tend to lie and so we both dug into Carter a little more. After this, Carter confessed he was the one who peed in my cup. What I really don't understand, is what would possess a little boy to pee in a cup. Carter didn't have an answer for me. In the end, the story goes like this. Carter had to go to the bathroom, but was too lazy to walk to the bathroom so he peed in the cup. Then once he did it, he walked over to the bathroom and dumped out the pee in the toilet. Yes, you heard me right he walked over to the open toilet and dumped the fucking pee in the toilet. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Now fast forward to this evening. I made a pretty good meal for my family, spaghetti with red sauce, garlic bread, and white sauce for my wife (truly I heated up some left over white sauce for Laura). After dinner, Laura worked on reading a book with Carter and I worked with Kuper on his writing (Kuper has horrible hand writing, and it is something his teacher wanted us to work on this him). After we did our "homework", Laura and I sent the boys up to their work to read some books and relax in their room. After about 5 or 10 minutes, Carter came down stairs and told Laura and I that Kuper had peed in his hand and then threw it on his bed. Well after yesterday's incident, I did not believe Carter that is what happened, and it turned out I was right. At this point, I really lost my shit! Not to get into all the details, Carter go some water somewhere and he put it on Kuper's bed. How we figured this out, there was a huge wet spot in Carter's bed as well. Laura don't know what to do now, and neither do I. I mean if I was that age again, my mother would have beat me with a wooden spoon.  I would have cried for a while, but I would have learned my lesson and I never would have done it again. I mean , I am 34 years old and my mother still scares me a little. Actually that is not true, my mother does not scare me, I just have a ton of respect for her and I would not do anything like that to her.

So now it is almost 9 o'clock and I need to go up and talk to my children, but I have no idea what to say to them. Carter is a little shit is all I can think and Kuper just keep getting caught up in the cross fire. Kuper is not innocent by any means, he drew on his walls today after Laura and I both told him many time that the marks are only for writing on paper. I just don't know what to do with these kids anymore. It takes everything in me not to beat them.