What the fuck are you doing with your life - get it all out.

This post is not going to have any order to it, it is just going to be all my thoughts thrown at the wall at once.

Today is Tuesday April 7th, it is approximately 11:50pm. I am sitting in my bed with my wife sleeping right next to me, and I have no idea what I am doing with my life.

I truly believe I am a complete waste of life and payroll at my job. I really do not know what I want to do with my life. I love my job, but everyday, I go into the bathroom and rub one out. This happens everyday. Do I need to talk to someone about this. Today alone, I jacked off 3 times at my office. This is a serious problem that I need to get under control.

I feel like such a piece of shit after I am done. I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to kill myself, I don't think. I just don't know what I am doing any more. What should I do??

I took Carter to flag football practice today, and it was just weird, what was I doing? Why was I even there? There was no point for me to be there.

Drinking doesn't help.

Jacking off doesn't help.

My neck always hurts, I am fat, I spend so much money. I hate my house. I love my kids, but they are little shits some times.

Kuper is a little shit, but he is so cute and he means well I think. He beats the kids around him, he is definitely behind everyone else in his class. I don't think he is dumb. Dumb is not the correct word for it. Kuper is lazy like me, or he just doesn't care, like me.

March 6th, it is clean!

Today is or tonight is March 6th 2015. This is the end of the week that Laura and I took off to clean our house. I think it has been the most productive week the two of us have had since we got married. We got the whole house clean, we got completely caught up on all of our laundry, and we got all the “junk” out of our house. The house looks so much better now, I can’t believe how much we got done and how much more comfortable I am in the house. It almost feels like we have doubled in size. I sleep a little better now that all of this is done. There are no huge piles of laundry sitting everywhere. There is no dog crap laying around, and the house doesn’t smell like dog piss anymore. Our house is just clean, and it feels so damn good. I love it. I am so proud of myself and especially Laura. Laura really stepped up this whole week and got stuff done. She cleaned up a ton of stuff, she got a ton and I do mean a ton of laundry done. We got so much stuff done that had been building up over the last 3 or 4 years. I feel so much more comfortable walking in the door. Yes, it did cost me a little bit to get all this done, but I believe it was worth almost every penny. I think we may have spent a little more than I had originally planned, but again it was worth it. The house feel much more like a home now. One other big thing that gone done this week, was we got the dog fixed. This was a long time in the making, and needed to really get done sooner than it actually did. But it is done now. 

This summer, we are going to drive to Florida to spend a week in Orlando with my family. I am very much looking forward to this time away. Yes, Laura and I did take this past week off, and yes, we did not “do anything” today. But the rest of the week, we were very busy working on the house. It will be nice to actually have some real time off and get some time to relax. Though I do not know how much actual time we will have to relax since we are driving down there and we are taking our children with us. What I am really looking forward to, is seeing my old friend Mitch. I have not seen him in almost 3 years. It will be amazing to see him, even if it is only for a few hours. We are planning to meet him and his family in Memphis for a day on our way home from Orlando. 

Now on to my father. What can I say, he is still the same old Jay Schwartz. It must really suck to be him, I don’t want to spend any time talking about him. Just know, it is March 6th, I have not spoke to him in 3 weeks and I am good with that.